It’s hard not to wonder what it’d be like if advanced aliens were tuning in to our planet right now, downloading the latest news and gossip in an attempt to figure out where our civilization stands. Hopefully, they will gloss over some details, such as the movie “Don’t Look Up”, the current federal government, or the massive penis that is currently splashed across part of Australia.
According to the Geelong Advertiser, a rather large phallic drawing has appeared in the dry lake bed in Bellarine, a rural area of Victoria. It’s so big, in fact, that it’s been labeled the “Aussie Weiner” on Google Maps.
To be fair, you can see a lot from space. Our satellites – and even hand-held photography equipment aboard the International Space Station – have advanced to the point where you can zoom in on the smallest of details. Having said that, we suppose it’s kind of impressive that someone took the time and effort to carve out a sedimentological member large enough that satellites could spot it from above.
If you’ve been living in a cave your entire life, you’re probably aware that many people – particularly those with penises – have been obsessed with phallic things since time immemorial. From Pompeii’s and Herculaneum’s murals to graffiti in almost every country on the planet, there’s always an unnecessary dangly, two-dimensional male thingymajiggy somewhere nearby.
Penises you can see from space, then, are par for the course. There are a fair few all over the world, and nothing much has changed over time.
Just look at the United Kingdom: a giant man with a ludicrous erection was carved into the chalk on the side of a hill in Dorset many years ago, and it is still there today. In 2007, students in Southampton, UK, used weed killer to create a more viridian-colored penis on their school lawn, which was visible from space.
With that in mind, the Aussie Weiner is simply another member of the club.
Hopefully, any particularly curious aliens out there pay more attention to things like the Nazca Lines when it comes to giant geoglyphs. Many of these ancient Peruvian masterpieces are hundreds of meters long and feature dozens of animals and shapes. They are a UNESCO World Heritage Site for good reason, having been built around 2,000 years ago.
However, aliens may conclude from all of these monstrous dickish depictions that we haven’t progressed very far in the last few thousand years.